


Courage to Make Love Known

by SweetSorcery



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Missing Scene, Protectiveness, Psychology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-10
Updated: 2011-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSorcery/pseuds/SweetSorcery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things Draco knows about love but mistakes for cowardice. What he has yet to learn is that sometimes, love will demand a sacrifice, and only the bravest of men, like Severus, are capable of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courage to Make Love Known

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All canon referred to within belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, Warner Bros. Inc., and possibly others. Non-canon bits were created for non-profit, non-infringement entertainment.
> 
> Archiving: Nowhere except here, and not in translated form either.
> 
> Author's Notes: This was written in December 2009.  
> HBP finally inspired me to tackle one of my favourite, never before written, pairings.

_"Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?"  
\-- Macbeth, William Shakespeare_

 

Draco blinks at his reflection, unable to focus. He wants to blame it on the mirror being half-blind with age, but he knows it's because he's crying. Again.

Until a few weeks ago, he had never cried an honest tear in his life. Of course, he had pretended to, to get his way, ever since he'd been an infant - to escape his parents' discipline, to wriggle out of having to spend time with their frightening associates, to get his hated teachers into trouble, and most often to avoid responsibility. He had never been too proud to play at being a coward.

But never, not even in his darkest moments, had he expected to learn that, when it counted, that's exactly what he was: a snivelling, weak coward.

Because it has to be cowardice, the way he feels now. There can be no other name for it. He does not want to kill Dumbledore. He does not want to open Hogwarts to his crazed aunt and the other death eaters. He does not want to curse his fellow students. He does not want to see Potter's look of sheer hatred and mistrust directed at him wherever he goes. And most of all, he does not want to have Severus Snape back him up, and not only because it tells him just how capable they all think him to be.

Of course, there is always the chance he will not survive his attempt to carry out his task, but he finds it hard to believe that Dumbledore would kill a student, even in self-defence. And it is what will happen afterwards that truly terrifies him. Should he succeed, he will have burned every bridge behind himself, his association with the Dark Lord firmly established, and his reward will be eternal servitude to a master who might kill him on a whim at any time. And if he should fail...

He looks down at his hands, his knuckles white as he grips the sink so hard he thinks he might shatter it.

If he should falter, Severus would have to do it. Would have to kill a man he respects and calls a mentor and a friend - a man who trusts him.

Sentimentality has no place in any of this. Draco squeezes his eyes shut and stifles a sob. He is all too aware of the Unbreakable Vow Severus has made on his behalf. But he is aware of much more - things which mean nothing to the Dark Lord and his followers, and thus should mean nothing to him. So he blames it on his own weakness, his now undeniable cowardice. He has become soft at Hogwarts. He knows how Severus fits in here, how he feels about Dumbledore. And he knows that to expect Severus to kill Dumbledore is akin to asking him, Draco, to kill his own father.

Anyone who has been in the Dark Lord's service for years has either never known or forgotten long ago that to love, to protect someone you love, is more important than all the power in the world. Draco wishes he did not know this, but he does. And he knows he has the choice between sealing his beloved father's fate by angering the Dark Lord, or destroying his-- Destroying Severus.

Suddenly, he hears steps and catches a flash of something next to his blurred reflection. Looking up, he finds himself staring at Potter.

"I know what you did, Malfoy! You hexed her, didn't you?" Potter accuses.

Within moments, hexes are flying back and forth, and Draco - half-blind with tears and unable to concentrate on the here and now - is casting so wildly and thoughtlessly, he misses every time. Showered with broken glass and water rushing from burst pipes, he barely keeps ahead of Potter as he scurries from cover to cover until suddenly, Potter yells out a curse Draco has never heard before.

He is felled by sheer agony. It's as if he's being sliced in two, the pain so great that he is completely numb to the cold water soaking into his clothes. He can't even scream, just gurgles and sobs, wondering hazily whether to die before even attempting his task makes him an even greater coward.

Just as he feels the last of his life force draining from him, a familiar sight comes into view, and he praises whatever entity cares enough about him to fulfil his unspoken dying wish.

He doesn't know what's happened to Potter, whether he's even still there. All he knows is that Severus is chanting a spell over him, a healing spell, because his body grows warmer slowly and the pain recedes in tiny increments. The voice he has dreamed of for years, has longed to hear whisper his name in the dark, is calling him back from the brink of death, and Draco can not resist. Can not take the coward's way out and simply give up. Does not want to.

"Se--" he croaks, tasting blood.

"Shh." Severus lays a surprisingly warm hand on Draco's forehead. "Vulnera Sanentur. Vulnera Sanentur..." Severus' voice is so gentle, so calming, that Draco is certain it is the sound which heals him rather than the spell itself.

"I'm... scared."

Severus' fingers graze over the weak pulse at Draco's temple. "I know."

"No." Draco needs to make sure Severus knows what he is admitting to. "Not... not this. I--"

"Hush, Draco," Severus hisses. He looks up, motions with his head to someone in the doorway, and footsteps recede hurriedly.

"Severus." Draco coughs, and it hurts dreadfully. But there is no fresh blood in his mouth now, and he knows Severus has saved his life.

A strong arm slides under his back and raises him from the pool of red-tinged water. He feels Severus' warmth around him as he rests in his arms, supported by his thighs, his head against his chest where a steady but slightly fast heartbeat reassures him.

"Don't speak." Severus' voice is firm. Serious. He means it.

"I have to," Draco insists. "I..."

Severus sighs, resigned, and leans down over Draco until their faces are so close, Draco need only whisper.

"I'm scared. But I'll... I'll do it." Draco gulps. "Somehow, I'll do it. Not for him though. And not... not even for father."

"Draco--"

"For you, Severus. Because I don't..." Speaking is still difficult, the words even more so. "Don't want you to have to do it."

"Draco, no," Severus says, sounding terrified to hear what comes next. But Severus is not scared of anything, is he? Not like Draco.

"I love you." The weight Draco has borne for years is lifted. He knows he will not regret saying it, no matter what happens. "I always have."

There is a long pause as Severus closes his eyes, doesn't even seem to be breathing. Then he looks down at Draco's pale, tear-streaked face, at his lips gone blue from cold and blood loss. His fingers combing the wet hair back from Draco's forehead are trembling. "Why did you tell me, Draco? Why now?" he asks, sounding beaten and very tired.

Draco does not understand why the timing matters. He simply knows he had to say it. Before whatever is going to happen happens. "I was scared of dying before I could say it."

"You're not going to die." Severus is always so sure of everything. That is one of a thousand reasons why Draco loves him.

Draco is sure of only one thing. But then Severus shifts his weight so he can hold him even closer, and Draco knows, a moment before Severus' lips touch his, that while neither Potter's curse nor killing Dumbledore may mean his death, this might. But he is not afraid.

Severus' lips are warm and dry and perfect. And his breath in Draco's mouth is more healing than any potion could ever be. Draco feasts on it to share in Severus' courage, unaware that the more determined he grows to protect Severus, the more determined Severus becomes not to allow it.

There are things Draco knows about love but mistakes for cowardice. What he has yet to learn is that sometimes, love will demand a sacrifice, and only the bravest of men, like Severus, are capable of it.

 

THE END


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